Felicia Does Heavy Metal

As a die-hard Rhythm & Blues/ jazz fan, it might shock you to know that I was once an avid AC/DC fan. "Back in Black" is still on my all-time favorite Top 10 list and I still know every word to the title song and "You Shook Me All Night Long." Never saw them on stage (the last non-R&B concert I went to was last August), but I kinda thought my semi-hard rocking days were behind me once I hit the big 4-0 (save for a little listening on my iPod while on the treadmill).

So guess where I went a couple of Saturdays ago? To The Loft in Poughkeepsie, a spot on Crannell Street (just around the corner from The Chance). Unbeknownst to me, The Loft is a popular venue for heavy metal bands, so of course I thought nothing of it when Will, one of my karate training partners, asked if I wanted to come and check out his band. I'd missed their last concert - the one that my other training partners and my sensei caught - at Webster Hall in NYC. They all raved about the performance and how much fun they had, so I vowed I'd catch the next one.

The only other thing my karate buds told me was that Will was an amazing guitarist. A bit shy and reserved in the dojo, they said he was a totally different person on stage. So I bought two tickets for the "Left in Ruins" show on January 22 and made a "date night" with my honey, who has never listened to anything remotely resembling heavy metal in his life (that's his hand in the pic above, holding the ticket stubs). He prefers hip-hop and R&B.

I guess we looked a little out of our element in the jeans and sweaters we wore amid the folks with lots of tattoos, body piercings and chains hanging out near the entrance. The guy taking the tickets took one look an us and gently asked "Umm...you here for the METAL show?" Yep - I guess we were!

Will's band, No Remission, was just setting up when we walked in. He greeted me warmly and thanked me for coming before giving a nod to his three band-mates, stepping up to the mike and screaming "What the f*ck is up, Poughkeepsie?!?" Definitely a totally different person than training partner Will.

The music was actually pretty good - even when I stood next to a very large speaker to get this photo:


Will's lead voice and guitar were nice to listen to (I really did like "Redemption"). I was kinda getting into the performance - y'know, tapping my foot and moving my head a bit - until the mosh pit near the stage got a bit close (one poor guy almost got pushed out the door and down the stairs). Soon after, another guy started moving his head in time to the music (I'm talking his chin hit his chest and the back of his head practically touched between his shoulder blades on every beat) and continued through the rest of the performance. He seriously put me and most of the other foot tappers to shame.

When the band was done, the thunderous applause prompted the promoter to ask them to add an encore song to the set. But by then, my honey was getting kinda antsy (he later said he thought his eardrums might be bleeding) so I waved to Will and the band before dipping out.

I made a video of them when I was standing next to the speaker, but I guess I was too close because the sound quality is not so great. But you can listen to them here. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did :-)

Komen Sucks...

Been writing that a lot lately - mostly in response to other folks' links about Susan G. Komen for the cure (that's their official name) and their battle to trademark the "for the cure" part of their moniker. (read more about that here). Seems to me like they've totally lost focus about what the fight to eradicate breast cancer is all about.

For the record, I've never been a big fan of Komen. I applaud them for bringing breast cancer to the top of the cancer pile, but the fight doesn't end with awareness and pink ribbons. They raise gobs of money via their races, walks and product donations, but still, 40,000 women died last year from breast cancer. Each October, it gets harder and harder to walk through the store without getting pretty ticked off about all the pink ribbons on things like cookies, batteries, pens and clothing. Companies, it seems, have figured out that if they slap a pink ribbon on their label and mention in teeny five-point type that a "portion" of their proceeds from the product's sale will go to Komen, they will make a mint. They make a million, donate $10K to Komen who lumps it into their generic "research and education" pile and no one is the wiser, right?

But what the heck research is Komen funding? Treatment for women who have been diagnosed or ways to end BC forever? Both are important, but they are two totally different things. Spend more funding dollars on research for the cure and nobody would even need treatment.

Blogger Anna Rachnel breaks down how the money is spent in her recent "Komen by the Numbers" post. A former public accountant before being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, she crunches the numbers and gives a very clear picture on how little of Komen's funds - less than 25 percent - have actually ended up in that "research" pile since the organization was founded in 1982. Shocking, to say the least, but not surprising.

My fear has always been that Komen would become THE face of BC fund-raising and other organizations like the National Breast Cancer Coalition, the American Cancer Society and the National Cancer Institute would get pushed aside and their donations dwindle down to nothing. If Komen's trademark attempts are successful, I could totally see that happening.

Know that there are lots of survivors, their relatives and relatives of lost warriors who are not at all happy with how you do what you do, Komen. Know that we're watching you and blogging about your shenanigans as well. You really ought to be ashamed of what you're doing, but I suspect you aren't.

In that case, you really do rot.

Lifted from my New Blog...

It's been a crappy week. I started a new blog to help make myself feel better. Here is the entry I just posted there:

My grandmother passed away this morning. She was 90, suffering from dementia and her health had declined rapidly in the last few months. She lived in a nursing home in the Bronx and when I got the call, I wrestled with whether or not I could possibly make it down to the nursing home and back before the craziness that is rush hour in New York City on New Year's Eve hit. After meeting with the funeral director, it won't happen and I feel incredibly guilty about it. Then I found this which made me feel a little better:

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
~ Carl Bard

Best wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2011 :-)

Kwanzaa Time

While many are winding down from the hustle and bustle of Christmas, some of us are preparing for another celebration: Kwanzaa. Although it has been appearing more and more on calendars these last few years, many people still don't quite know what the celebration is about.

Kwanzaa is a cultural - not a religious - celebration started in 1966 by California State University professor Dr. Maulana Karenga as a way to combat the negativity and dissension caused in the African American community as a result of the Watts riots. The word Kwanzaa is from the Swahili phrase "matunda ya kwanza" which means "first fruits of the harvest." Dr. Karenga added the last "a" to distinguish it from the African custom that celebrates the time before the beginning of the dry season. It was meant to be a way for Americans of African descent to create our own customs while learning a little about African customs as well. And like the harvest festival, Kwanzaa was designed to be a time to celebrate.

Kwanzaa begins the day after Christmas each year and lasts for seven days, ending on January 1. Each night, a red, black or green candle is lit and a different principle is emphasized. Today is Umoja, which means unity. It applies to our families, our communities, our nation and our world. Tonight, we will light a black candle in our kinara (wooden candle holder). Tomorrow is Kujichagulia, which means self-determination - the right to decide who we are, what we will become and what we will create for ourselves. Tomorrow night, we will light a red candle.

The third Kwanzaa principle is Ujima, which means collective work and responsibility. This means we should build and nurture our communities and work together to solve common difficulties. On the third night, we light a green candle.

The fourth principle is Ujamaa or cooperative economics. The principle encompasses the need to maintain our own stores, businesses and organizations by shopping in our neighborhood groceries and utilizing our area agencies. On the fourth night, we light another red candle.

The fifth Kwanzaa principle is Nia, which means purpose. Taking care of ourselves, those around us and our communities can help fulfill the purpose of making our world as great as it can be. On the fifth night, we light the second green candle.

The sixth principle is Kuumba or creativity. As the emphasis for the celebration has little to do with commercialism, hand-made or educational gifts are exchanged - many of which are made during the sixth day of Kwanzaa. On the sixth night, we light the final red candle.

The final principle is Imani, which means faith. To me, it translates to mean that heart-felt knowledge that things will work out exactly the way they are meant to. It also means acknowledging the faith of our ancestors and having faith in those who will follow us along the path. On the last night, we light the final green candle.

This year on New Year's Day, my family will host our second Kwanzaa karamu, or feast. Family and friends will gather to eat, talk, sing, dance and laugh. We will pour a libation to honor those who have passed on and enjoy each other's company. Many on our guest list have never even heard of Kwanzaa before, much less actually celebrated it. It will be a very memorable time, I'm sure.

To learn more about Kwanzaa, click here. Harambe! (let's all pull together) - and Happy Kwanzaa!

Black Friday Electronic Deals

It's been a while since I suited up and headed out in the pre-dawn hours on the day after Thanksgiving to Christmas shop, but in these tough economic times, saving a buck or two is uber important.

I found some great info on the electronic deals on tap for Black Friday via a "Consumer Reports" blog and thought I'd share my find with you here.
Happy shopping!

As Election Day Approacheth...

Not sure about you, but I'm a little afraid to turn on the TV or visit my own mailbox these days. The political ads are taking over...

In the tri-state area, there are not only ads about the two gubernatorial candidates but about the US senate and various state representative races. We also have NJ and Connecticut ads, too. Almost every other TV commercial and/or piece of mail that arrives is about why we should or shouldn't vote a particular way. It's quite overwhelming...

But it doesn't end there. Between the political analysts who have already got the US House won by the Republicans and the pundits spouting off about what the American people want, I'm seriously about ready to scream.

My 17-yr-old son seems to be feeling the pressure, too. He asked me today if once he turns 18 next year, he will HAVE TO vote - meaning will anyone really force him to head to the polling place and make some choices. It's just too confusing, he said. Hard to know what anyone will do once they get into office, true, but once I reminded him that he's only two generations removed from living in an era where folks who looked like he does were denied the right to register, he resigned himself to vote as soon as he's able to do so.

So, whether you plan on marking your paper ballot for the donkeys or the elephants, do get out and cast your ballot. Don't prove the pundits, radicals and nay-sayers talking about low turnout - particularly among African-Americans - right. Use your voice on Tuesday - or you'll have no right to complain on Wednesday.

The Call That Probably Shouldn't Have Been Made

Remember back in October 1991, when Supreme Court Justice nominee Clarence Thomas was on blast via congressional hearings for alleged sexual harassment in the workplace? One of his accusers, Anita Hill, gave some very descriptive and vivid testimony about things Thomas said and did when he was her supervisor at the U.S. Department of Education and the Equal Employment Opportunities Commission years before. The hearings ended, Thomas was confirmed by a vote of 52-48 and Anita Hill faded into obscurity to all but her Brandeis University law students. But, thankfully, the conversation - and eventual litigation - about workplace sexual harassment had begun.

Cut to October 2010, when Thomas' wife, Virginia, called Hill and left a voicemail requesting an apology. Hill kept the message for two weeks (because she said she initially thought it was a joke) before calling campus police who eventually called the FBI to report it. Hill said there would be no apology coming because as she put it "I testified truthfully about my experience and I stand by that testimony."

My advice to Ginni: Just. Let. It. Go.

Believe what you want to believe about your hubby. Think Anita Hill is the worse thing since the Bubonic Plague - who cares? But seriously - it's been 19 years already. It's time to move on.

And really - on what planet is it OK to call up someone that you passed on life's vector almost two decades ago to have them offer restitution for what happened way back then? Did you discuss it with your husband or act on your own? What would you have done if Anita would have actually answered?

Pinch yourself already. It wasn't a dream and it's time to wake the heck up.

Hello Bethel Woods!

I've lived in the area for a lot of years but before this weekend, my only involvement with Bethel Woods Center for the Arts was passing the Woodstock exit on the NYS Thruway.

But Saturday, I actually got off at the exit en route to a Pat Benatar and REO Speed Wagon Concert (which was great, BTW! I really, really miss the 80s!) - and OMG, what a beautiful, beautiful place! Lush, rolling hills, acres of space, tons of gorgeous trees - quite blissful, actually. The suburbanite in me might miss having a supermarket within a few minutes drive, but I could totally live there, I think.

With an amazing ampitheater there are still lots of events scheduled for the late summer and early fall, including concerts, museum events and programs the whole family can enjoy ("Yo Gabba Gabba" performed last week and the Jonas Brothers were there last summer). Not to far from most spots in the Hudson Valley, a visit to Bethel Woods is well worth the trip!

Child Support Enforcement Sucks

Be forewarned: This is a rant. Let me preface this by adding that my child does not read this blog, so I can give details he doesn't know or need to know about.

This might sound horrible, but I've been happily divorced for 10 years now. The filing process started in July 1999, but due to some lost paperwork via the Orange County Sheriff's Department (namely, proof that my ex had been served with the divorce decree), the marriage wasn't legally dissolved until January of 2001. For those of you that have never been through a divorce in New York state when there are children from the union, before the specifics about the division of assets and property can be handled, child custody and support has to be settled via family court. The amount of child support to be paid by the non-custodial parent is determined by his or her income. In our case, because we only had one child, my ex was ordered to pay 17% of his income a month for child support, which came to $624 a month. He was also ordered to keep health insurance for our son.

Three years later, when going to have my son's asthma prescription filled at the pharmacy, I found out his insurance had been canceled. Child support for that month also never arrived. My employer did not offer health insurance for family members so I quickly enrolled my son in the state Child Health Plus program, but it took six weeks before the application was approved and he had insurance again. Counting the two weeks he was without insurance before I found out, it was two months total that he had absolutely no coverage. Thank goodness it didn't happen, but if my child would have had an asthma attack, a broken bone or even a deep cut requiring stitches during those two months, I would have been in a world of financial hurt.

Two months of calls to the county Child Support Enforcement Unit (who, at the time, only took calls between 9am and 10:30am daily) netted no information about the missing child support, other than the fact that my ex - whose wages were being garnished for child support - was no longer employed by the same company. Their suggestion was to file paperwork in Family Court for a support violation. That meant a drive to Goshen during the workday, filling out the paperwork, having my ex served with the paperwork, waiting on a court date then taking another half-day off from work to appear before a support magistrate.

So I did all that. The court date was two months down the road and when we arrived, we were told to come back again two months after that. By then, child support hadn't been received in almost seven months.

To make a very long story short, this went on for over two years. At one of the hearings, I finally found out that my ex had been fired from his job allegedly for an injury which also kept him from finding gainful employment. At that hearing, his support obligation was reduced to $50 a month - the minimum amount allowed in the state. He was over $9,000 in arrears by that point, though.

But I also found out he was eligible to collect state disability, and since my son was under 18, he was also entitled to collect. So, another half-day off from work was needed to go down to the Social Security office and file the necessary paperwork to have that begin. That amount was $360 a month - a little more than half of what used to come in for support.

Our final trip back to support court was under a new magistrate (the one who had reduced my ex to the state minimum had thankfully retired) - who promptly ordered my ex to pay 17% of what he was receiving from disability to fulfill his support obligation - a total of $150 per month. About six months ago, a cost of living adjustment (COLA) was granted, bringing the total amount my ex now actually pays out of pocket in monthly support to $170. That's a whopping $42.50 a week.

Cut to August 2010. Because of his non-payment history, I always check the state website to see if/when the payment was posted. It is due before the fifth of each month and the state is required by law to forward the payment within 48 hours of receiving it. So by August 10, when it still hadn't been received - although it had been posted on August 4 - I discovered I had to wait 10 days before I could notify the support collection unit that the payment never made it to our mailbox. On August 14, I called to find out I had to wait 10 BUSINESS DAYS before I could report the missing check. I called back on August 18 to be told that, even though my mail had been delivered for the day, I still had to wait until 12am August 19 before I could report the missing payment. When I called back the next morning, I was told that the "stop payment" form would be mailed to me the following day and should arrive within five business days. Emailing or faxing it was not an option. Nope, I'm not kidding.

Fortunately, I did receive it yesterday, but getting it back meant I had to put a stamp on an envelope and mail it back - a process that could take another five days or so. Hopefully, the check - now almost a month late - will be re-issued by the end of next week.

In these tough economic times, it doesn't seem like too outlandish a scenario to think that some custodial parent might actually need that money for food, back-to-school shopping or whatever else little Junior or Suzy may have to have. The idea that it would take so long to even be able to report a missing check is unbelievable. Why is nobody protesting or complaining about that?

Yep - child support enforcement and collection absolutely suck...

And So It Begins...

In the mail a few days ago was a letter addressed to both me and my son. He'll be 17 on the second day of the school year (his final year in high school), but I wasn't quite prepared for what was inside: information about scheduling an appointment for his senior portraits/graduation photos.

I guess my denial should be over, but it isn't. Sure he's taken SATs, been to a few "college nights" at his high school and has begun earnestly looking at which schools to apply to and visit, but I still can't believe he will be a high school senior in a few weeks. Wasn't he just in a onesie and chomping on a pacifier?!?

Not only are the college visits on the horizon, but applications, auditions (he plans on majoring in performing arts), FASAF forms, scholarship and grant perusals, senior prom and all that stuff is, too. It will be a very exciting year for him, of course - but an expensive one for me as a tuition deposit for whichever school we settle on will be due in 11 short months!

A few of my friends are going through the process of packing their eldest children's stuff and driving them off to college. Many of them are excited for their kids - especially when they think of their own college days. Some of them are happily planning on converting their child's bedroom into a study or sewing room and one is publicly celebrating the fact that she will finally have her car back. But all of them are experiencing the tugging at the heart strings when they realize their "babies" have grown up and are moving out.

A year from now, that will be me. I know there will be tears and confetti as well.

So let's get this party started...

Are You Kidding?!?

On a martial arts forum for women, an article about the body of actress Christina Hendricks (from "Mad Men") was just posted. In a nutshell, the article touted her curvacious, size 14 body as being the ideal for women around the globe.

I say the author of the article and everyone quoted in it should really get a hobby as they obviously have too much time on their hands.

The article features the same picture of Hendricks as I have here, standing there smiling for the camera. I'd be willing to bet that how the photo was going to be used was not what she was thinking about when she saddled up to the lens and smiled. The women I know don't really have a burning desire to be the standard "ideal" when it comes to how their body parts are arranged. That just seems like too much freaking pressure to me.

For years there has been backlash towards the rail-thin models that walk the runways of the world and appear in fashion ads. No woman really looks like that, the critics say (which obviously ain't true) and we shouldn't be "promoting" them as the ideal standards of beauty. But I'm sure the models see their roles as a way to keep roof overhead and pay their bills. See, they aren't the ones waving their bony arms and telling the world to look exactly like them. And if it is the young, impressionable tweens and teens we're worried about warping, blame to their parents for tossing them Vogue or Cosmo in the first place.

I see it like this: there is only so much about the body you were born to have that you can control. Of course you can eat right and exercise, but the length of your legs, the size of your hips (I'm talking bone structure here, folks) or the shape of your torso aren't things that can be changed, really. Accept that and move on. I'm not suggesting we all eat ourselves into comas (because that's just not healthy), but opening up a magazine and comparing your body to the bodies of every woman in it isn't healthy, either.

So, really - when there are so many other things to concern ourselves with, is this what women are really obsessing about?