So, yeah, there are a lot of males who have behaved badly and
are being called to the carpet for their past actions. Hats off to the women
who have had the courage to step forward and display their inner turmoil in
such a public way. Remarkable courage - especially since, as always, their
motives, recollection of the events or their level of participation (whatever
the heck that means) are all questioned. Yeah, still amazed that the
"Well, what did SHE do to bring on such behavior?" is almost always
the default - and also that it takes an average of four accusers before folks
seem to be at least willing to accept the idea that the accused may, in fact,
be a flaming bag of puss who fooled us all (one woman telling her story just
never seems to be enough, strangely.).
But
I’m also amazed that after all the sexual and workplace harassment awareness
and legislation the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings ignited way back in
the early 90s, we seem to be right back where we were before Anita Hill
testified. Seriously, what is the deal with that? I thought we DID this already…
And what is up with assuming
some men are just too nice, or too good at what they do, or too famous to have done what they are accused of? Please at least be open to the idea that
even good people who have done tons for the community at large can - and do -
treat folks very badly. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Also - a gentle reminder:
The idea of inappropriate touching, advances, propositions, vocalized
expectations of sexual "favors" and reduction of women to mere body
parts happens. All. The. Time. Many, many women have and do experience it, and
most of us keep quiet so we don't have to also experience victim blaming and being told to forget/ignore it when we do voice it to higher-ups. That being
said, every woman's "This is what happened to me" story - and the
"I don't believe her/them" comments - are potentially triggers for
lots of people.
There is a lot of emotional distress happening right now as a
result of the headlines, make no mistake about it. Please don't discount that
when you wade in to express your opinion. Women are watching. More importantly,
young women - and young men - are watching, too. How we treat this thing
collectively and individually will tell them a lot about how they are expected
to behave.
This is a systemic issue
that won't go away with one, five, 10 or even 100 firings or forced
resignations. It's bigger than that, and until we recognize that, come correct
and try to address all the contributing factors (the biggest of which, I
firmly believe, is rape culture in this here land of the free), the piece-meal
efforts will not add up to much of anything, and, as we're starting to witness, women will be
blamed for calling out other folks' favorite politician, news reporter or
entertainment company CEO.
Say it with me now: IT. IS. NOT. HER. FAULT. IT'S.
HIS. Dismissing it away or referring to it as just a fluke, a "minor"
transgression, or her word against his (and he said he didn't do it!) just
ain't cool. So stop that - like, yesterday.
Words are powerful. Please
use them accordingly.
