Proceed With Caution, Please...

So, yeah, there are a lot of males who have behaved badly and are being called to the carpet for their past actions. Hats off to the women who have had the courage to step forward and display their inner turmoil in such a public way. Remarkable courage - especially since, as always, their motives, recollection of the events or their level of participation (whatever the heck that means) are all questioned. Yeah, still amazed that the "Well, what did SHE do to bring on such behavior?" is almost always the default - and also that it takes an average of four accusers before folks seem to be at least willing to accept the idea that the accused may, in fact, be a flaming bag of puss who fooled us all (one woman telling her story just never seems to be enough, strangely.).

But I’m also amazed that after all the sexual and workplace harassment awareness and legislation the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings ignited way back in the early 90s, we seem to be right back where we were before Anita Hill testified. Seriously, what is the deal with that? I thought we DID this already…

And what is up with assuming some men are just too nice, or too good at what they do, or too famous to have done what they are accused of? Please at least be open to the idea that even good people who have done tons for the community at large can - and do - treat folks very badly. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Also - a gentle reminder: The idea of inappropriate touching, advances, propositions, vocalized expectations of sexual "favors" and reduction of women to mere body parts happens. All. The. Time. Many, many women have and do experience it, and most of us keep quiet so we don't have to also experience victim blaming and being told to forget/ignore it when we do voice it to higher-ups. That being said, every woman's "This is what happened to me" story - and the "I don't believe her/them" comments - are potentially triggers for lots of people. 

There is a lot of emotional distress happening right now as a result of the headlines, make no mistake about it. Please don't discount that when you wade in to express your opinion. Women are watching. More importantly, young women - and young men - are watching, too. How we treat this thing collectively and individually will tell them a lot about how they are expected to behave.

This is a systemic issue that won't go away with one, five, 10 or even 100 firings or forced resignations. It's bigger than that, and until we recognize that, come correct and try to address all the contributing factors (the biggest of which, I firmly believe, is rape culture in this here land of the free), the piece-meal efforts will not add up to much of anything, and, as we're starting to witness, women will be blamed for calling out other folks' favorite politician, news reporter or entertainment company CEO.

Say it with me now: IT. IS. NOT. HER. FAULT. IT'S. HIS. Dismissing it away or referring to it as just a fluke, a "minor" transgression, or her word against his (and he said he didn't do it!) just ain't cool. So stop that - like, yesterday.

Words are powerful. Please use them accordingly.